A Lone Native American Among Pilgrams

Well, Thanksgiving is here, my favorite holiday next to Leif Erikson day, and I feel obligated to speak on what I’m thankful for, mostly because I complain so God damn much and I really do have a great life. 

As is tradition, Thanksgiving has always been our holiday, held at my parents house, now my dad’s house, though my maternal grandparents still join us. Every year, we "go around" the table, per Grandmom’s sentimental demand (and to my dad and his sister’s consternation, though we participate annually—the Clarhauts are not typically the most “feeling” oriented family.) 

As I spoke to my Grandmom a few days ago about what she should bring to the gathering (I don’t know why she asks me, I’m not cooking,) she reminded me of the custom as if I've forgotten what’s happened on this holiday for the past 12 or so years they’ve been in attendance.

“I told Pop Pop to try to think of something different this year, something he doesn’t usually say.”

Which, is hilarious, since if you’ve ever met Pop Pop, you’ve probably heard the 1950-something Neshaminy H.S. football team stories, or about the electricians union, all amplified, upon each greeting. He probably has no recollection of what he’s said he’s thankful for in the years past, as he probably doesn’t even remember what exactly he said 5 minutes ago, let alone what he should be thankful for in general.

“So try to think of something new… We have so much to thank God for, and that’s why we celebrate Thanksgiving,” Grandmom continued, as if I were confused about the purpose for which we eat turkey on the last Thursday of every November for the past 22 years. Which my celebrity doppelgänger Christina Ricci put so eloquently as Wednesday in the 1993 Addams Family Values’:

“You have taken the land which is rightfully ours. Years from now my people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. Your people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs. We will sell our bracelets by the road sides, you will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres. My people will have pain and degradation. Your people will have stick shifts. The gods of my tribe have spoken. They have said, 'Do not trust the Pilgrims, especially Sarah Miller.'”

So Grandmom isn’t necessarily Sarah Miller, but she might be missing the point a little, along with the rest of obese America that uses this holiday as representation of something it’s not; an excuse to pig-out and express “thanks” for things we take for granted, that we forget we received from someone else’s suffering.

Anyway, Grandmom said this same spiel last year, and I really put thought into it. I sat patiently waiting my turn to share, “I’m thankful for the fact that I was born into this time period, where women have the freedom to get a proper education, have a career and vote, without being confined to the life of a housewife, independent from men if they so choose to be.”

The response? Crickets, stares, then mocking. My dad laughed, everyone rolled their eyes, and I slunk back down in my chair, recoiling in embarrassment for an educated, well thought-out answer. I’m the only one in this little gathering this year with a degree, though my brother is enrolled in college, but I feel like maybe I should go simpler for fear of rejection. Here are some options for what I’ll say at dinner on Thursday;

• I’m thankful that I’m not pregnant (at least that I know of.)

• I’m thankful that I can date a black guy without societal oppression, regardless of judgment (a.k.a. the horrible racist labels like n*lover and snow bunny.) 

• I’m thankful that my seriously pushy, overwhelming grandparents could make it to this forced event.

• I’m thankful my parents are divorced so I only have to deal with one drunk parent on this dreadful day.

• I’m thankful that I was born into a low-income household yet still retain high-brow cultural appreciation (as I scoff, laughing, and quoting someone like Dobšinský, who I've never actually read, to my knowledge.)

• While I'm at it, I'm thankful that I'm almost $40,000 in debt to have a terrifically sexist position at an auto body shop, which I am highly over-qualified for, while working extra hours at a minimum wage job that has brought me misery for the last five God-forsaken years of my life.

These answers won't be appreciated by my family, though my brothers might get a kick out of it. I'll probably go back to a generic crowd-pleaser, like "I'm thankful for my loving family," though really, I'm more grateful for my friends, but that wouldn't appeal to anyone at the table and would offend. I'll probably just say that I'm thankful for my father, who has taught me that money isn't everything while providing for me in every aspect of life through hard work, and that nice things are a privilege to be valued, not expected. Whatever I settle upon, if it's genuine, it's bound to leave someone feeling embarrassed, and I don't mind. I'm thankful that I can share my thoughts and someone somewhere will listen.

Thank you for reading, it means more to me than you'll ever comprehend. May many blessings come your way this holiday season.


With love,

CLC